Nothing beats good food, good wine, and good company; especially when one gets all three at the same time. What is fantastic is there was minimal complaints about work throughout the entire gathering. It is great that we can forget about the irritating things at work once in a while and just enjoy ourselves. That's how life should be.
It's been a great week so far... Had lots of Japanese food (comfort food as a friend calls it)
I'm so glad that I'm able to take time off from work these few days. I haven't felt so happy and relaxed for a long time. I'm happy not just because I totally stay away from work but also because I finally can be myself again - I can be easy-going and generally be nice instead of putting up a severe front all the time. It's tough to have to morph into something that I'm not by nature. Sadly, I do not have much of a choice if I want to survive at my workplace. Hence I'm so glad that I can finally be more like myself these few days.
The latent aggressive monster in me was unleashed this afternoon during a meeting to discuss a deal which places my company in an unfavourable position. I know I came across as rather aggressive and unwilling to give way but my points were not invalid.
Anyway I found out later that this sorry excuse of a man from PS complained to his boss that the way my colleague and I dealt with the situation was 'not very nice'. In the end, his boss mentioned it to my boss and my boss later told me to tone it down. It's crazy! We were not negotiating a peace deal! How nice did he expect me to be? It's a zero-sum game situation and he expects me to be generous and let him win the deal? Given the situation then, I don't see how I could remain meek and mild. Well, I guess I could. But that means the company would have come out of it worse off for sure.
I'm not upset that the negotiations did not go as cordially as hoped. However I must say that I despise that sorry and pathetic wimp (who should be wearing diapers rather than a pair of pants. No, I won't say he should be wearing skirts for that would be an insult to women!) who was unable to stand his ground with me and had to run crying to his boss. Why make it so personal? I understood that he was arguing for his company's interest as I was mine. If he can't take a fight, then go home and be a mummy's boy.
I had to force myself to get out of bed at 9 plus this morning to meet my friends. Even though I had been sleeping a lot the last few days, I still feel tired. Perhaps I'm too burnt-out to recuperate in a few days. I'm rather ashamed to say that I actually almost considered not turning up for the gathering. The problem lies not with the company but with me - I feel too down and drained to want to talk to anyone. But because 1 of them, A, will be leaving for London for good in a few weeks time, I decided that I should make the effort to meet up while we still have the chance. In the end, I'm glad I went. It's nice to catch up with old friends.
But I do feel kind of sad that A will be leaving for London to join her husband who's working there. Even though we do not see each other that often in Singapore due to our ridiculously busy lives, we do make the effort to meet up whenever we can. Soon, there will be 1 less person to have a nice meal with, to catch musicals & concerts, travel with...
I find that the older one gets, the more difficult it is to find friends who can hang out with you. I do not have many close friends in the first place. Not many people make it to my 'inner circle' of friends. And those whom I consider close friends are so tied down by work. When they are off work, they have to spend time with their special someone / family. Others have problems of their own to deal with and so unless they call me because they need to de-stress, I try not to add on to their stress by unloading all my problems on them. I guess I don't want to bother them unless I'm in really serious shit. And I think I have a high tolerance for shitty things - so I usually try to cope rather than call them. But A always makes the effort to meet for a meal - something I really appreciate. I will definitely miss her.
For the last 3 days, I hardly touched the work I brought home. I was too tired to do anything but to watch the telly & sleep. I weighed the 2 options I have:
Sigh! Either way, I'll be exhausted. It's like choosing between the devil and the deep blue sea. In the end, I chose option 2 because the work I have with me is not urgent and because I will at least get a few days rest - better than nothing.
The shops were buzzing with activity even at about 10pm last night when I went to get dinner. Lots of people were at the market stocking up food for the next few days when the market probably wouldn't be open for the Lunar New Year. Even those shops that usually close by noon were still open for business. I guess there will always be last minute shoppers.
I remember I used to feel a little caught up in the festive mood seeing the place come alive during the Lunar New Year season. It felt good to see the place filled with a spirit of festive cheer maybe because it sort of made me feel alive? It's hard to explain but it used to give me a nice feel. However, as I walked through the crowd last night, I felt nothing but weariness.
Unbelievable! I brought work home for to do for the Lunar New Year break! I wonder how long I can carry on like this.
Both are convinced
that a sudden surge of emotion bound them together.
Beautiful is such a certainty,
but uncertainty is more beautiful.
Because they didn't know each other earlier, they suppose that
nothing was happening between them.
What of the streets, stairways and corridors
where they could have passed each other long ago?
I'd like to ask them
whether they remember - perhaps in a revolving door
ever being face to face?
an "excuse me" in a crowd
or a voice "wrong number" in the receiver.
But I know their answer:
no, they don't remember.
They'd be greatly astonished
to learn that for a long time
chance had been playing with them.
Not yet wholly ready
to transform into fate for them
it approached them, then backed off,
stood in their way
and, suppressing a giggle,
jumped to the side.
There were signs, signals:
but what of it if they were illegible.
Perhaps three years ago,
or last Tuesday
did a certain leaflet fly
from shoulder to shoulder?
There was something lost and picked up.
Who knows but what it was a ball
in the bushes of childhood.
There were doorknobs and bells
on which earlier
touch piled on touch.
Bags beside each other in the luggage room.
Perhaps they had the same dream on a certain night,
suddenly erased after waking.
Every beginning
is but a continuation,
and the book of events
is never more than half open.
Translated by Walter Whipple
Spent Valentine's Day working and alone. Been in a feel-sorry-for-myself mood lately. So it doesn't help to see lots of couples around while I head home alone to spend time alone. Darn! I don't even have a cat to go home to.
Dear OB
I noticed that you have placed on my table a survey form completed by my client and you indicated that he has mis-spelt a word. Actually it is rather inconsequential because it will in no way affect our research findings. But I noticed that you have kindly cancel out his mistake and made the necessary amendment for him. Here's where I get a little confused... Since you have already made the amendment for him, should I still tell him to erase the amendment you made so that he can re-write it himself? But I'm afraid he might find it rather ridiculous and a total waste of his time if I arrange to meet him to tell him to erase that 1 word only to write the same word again. Please advise.
Wistful
Here's an email I was so tempted to send to a co-worker but did not...
Dear OB
You scolded me for not updating a database for a VERY LONG TIME ever even though I told you I did update the database regularly. Nonetheless, I logged on to the database after you yelled me to my senses.
I have therefore ascertained that the VERY LONG TIME I did not update the database was in fact 1 day - last Friday - that was the only day I did not log on to the database.
I have also indicated that during the VERY LONG TIME of 1 DAY, there was nothing to update.
Thanks for the reminder even though I do understand that it was not part of your job scope to check whether I have updated the database or not. The next time I hear other co-workers complain that you are always playing computer games during office hours, I'll definitely tell them that you are no slacker for you even bothered to look into areas not under your purview.
To a great working relation ahead...
Wistful
P.S. Have fun playing computer games - I wish I have time to indulge in a 2-player game with you but I can't since I'm totally bogged down by work!
Last minute deadlines. Lots of fire-fighting. Crap from co-workers.
I'm so sick and tired of everything! Just want to throw everything aside and cry... give up everything. I'm tired. Almost too tired to carry on anymore.
Something's wrong when
Sigh! Today's the shortest work day I have had in a while and I get to take lunch AND dinner and I refuse to do any more work now that I'm home.
I doubt anyone reads this blog... But hopefully this particular post will bless you if you stumnble across it...
I dozed off at 11 last night but woke up by midnight - that's the reason why I usually do not sleep before 12. Anyway I couldn't get to sleep after that - laid awake the whole night then went to church. Thankfully I was still able to keep awake throughout the entire service :)
Because I've procrastinated getting my friend his Christmas present, I had to brave the crowd at Suntec to go to Life Bookshop this afternoon to get him his present.
Crowds make me stressed. I don't like crowded places. The throng of people, the loudness of everyone talking, and the almost-chaotic nature of crowds make me feel trapped and fill me with a sense of dread. I can almost swear that my heart starts beating faster. It's better if there's a friend with me. Perhaps having a friend to talk to takes my mind off the awful crowd a little. Maybe having someone with me makes me feel more secure. I don't know...
But what I know is that Suntec today is VERY crowded. It was at Watson that I got stuck in the awful crowd unable to move forward. I could only stand there with the rest of the crowd waiting for those in front to move, feeling miserable and alone and wishing that there's someone with me. Then I saw my friend Tracy. She was with her boyfriend. I was pleased to see them even though I was feeling extremely stressed (not distressed yet).
Strangely they thought I was with my special someone. In fact they looked at me in disbelief when I told them there's no special someone. It took quite a few minutes to convince them that I was alone but they didn't seem at all convinced by my declaration that there's no boyfriend in my life... Hmm I wonder what rumours they have been hearing... But that conversation made me feel so alone when I bade them goodbye and had to walk through the crowd by myself, wishing there's someone with me... I really felt so very alone.
The sadness lingered on even after I managed to escape unscathed from the crowd. I suddenly thought of Mr. Stevens from The Remains of the Day when he had to go back to Darlington Hall alone at the end of the story. All alone... It all seems so sad...
I just got 2 sms-es wishing me Merry Christmas :) That's a little early, I thought... It's only the 22nd, isn't it?
I bought quite a few items at Kinokuuniya and with the Kinokuniya card, I got a 20% discount - managed to save about $36 :) Heh that's one card definitely worth getting...
I knocked off work early today and was walking happily to the bus-stop, thinking of where to grab a bite before I go catch a movie, when strap of my right sandal broke! So I had to call for a cab to get home. There went my plan of having a nice time watching a movie at the cinema!
This is NOT the 1st time this happens to me! There was once when I was in NUS, walking down a slope to the bus-stop, when my sandal strap broke - I had to hobble my way to a nearby building to wait for a cab. Another time, I was going to board the ferry to Batam when the sole of my shoes came apart! I had to run into one of the shops to grab a pair of shoes! Sigh! The thing is those sandals / shoes that I wore didn't look like they were going to give way any time or I wouldn't have worn them. They just came apart when I least expect them to!
Guess it's a wise move when I bought 3 pairs of shoes when I was in Hong Kong :) 3 pairs of shoes for about SGD$40. Heheh I'm really pleased with my purchases :) Especially when I find it very difficult to find shoes that I like. Or rather shoes that I like and that are affordable. Hmm there are a few pairs of Ferragamo shoes that I really like but I just can't bring myself to spend so much on a pair of shoes...
Another research findings that make you go, "Hmm...."
The sensitivity of the human sense of smell has been significantly underestimated, a study suggests.
US research had confounded the established belief that people have a poorer sense of smell than animals.
The work, published in the journal Nature Neuroscience, asked people to follow scents on the ground, as a dog would do, and found they were as good.
Heh then CNB can start training and employing people to sniff out drugs - this way can boost employment rate.
2 things I'm thankful to God for today:
1) I was almost the victim of a crapping bird - I missed the crap by a couple of inches. Had I taken a quarter of a step more, I would have ended up with bird-droppings on me!
2) It stopped raining when I was going out and when I was heading home. It's been raining almost continuously for the last 2 days so I feel fortunate that I wasn't caught in the rain. Heh in fact, it started raining again when I got home a while ago...
It may seem like little things... But I feel blessed :)
Something's wrong with me if I'm so happy to get 7 hours of sleep (I ususally sleep about 4 or 5, at best 6 hours).
Here's a funny take of how obsessed our society is with looks - The Story of Slimderalla
I must show this to a male co-worker, S, who is obsessed about his weight. Well, actually, he's not just obsessed with his weight. He's basically obsessed about how he looks, whether others see him as a cool dude. Nope, he's not a teenager. He's in fact in his mid-30s. He has undergone a drastic transformation since last year - truly a changed man in terms of looks and sadly his personality too. But he's still not satisfied with how he looks, and complains that he's fat. Heh those female co-workers who weigh more than him would shoot him dirty looks whenever he says that. I told him he's suffering from body-image problem.
One would think that a person who is this dissatisfied with the way he looks would positively hate looking into the mirror. S, on the contrary, actually loves mirrors. In fact, he has 2 mirrors in front of him at his work-station. So there you have it - a possibly anorexic person who at the same time probably suffers from narcissism. Really contradictory.
I guess the only way I can explain the apparent contradiction is his insecurity. Even though he knows that his appearance has improved greatly (that's why he derives great pleasure looking into the mirror to admire himself), his insecurity made him wonder if he's good looking enough in the eyes of others and hence the constant need to cut his weight, look better, appear cool, etc. At the end of the day, it's rather sad, isn't it?
Perhaps I should start consuming more soy. No, not for breast development! It's more to lower my cholesterol level... Soy protein can supposedly reduce cholesterol level - the findings are taken from a medical journal. I've not checked out the journal... Maybe I should. Or get my doctor friend to tell me about it :) Anyway I'm not going to take it as the gospel truth just because it is taken from a medical journal. But I do find it slightly more credible than the Soy is Devil Food theory ;)
This guy, Jim Rutz, has the answer to why there are more homosexuals around today:
Soy is nutritious and contains lots of good things. Unfortunately, when you eat or drink a lot of soy stuff, you're also getting substantial quantities of estrogens...
If you're a grownup, you're already developed, and you're able to fight off some of the damaging effects of soy. Babies aren't so fortunate. Research is now showing that when you feed your baby soy formula, you're giving him or her the equivalent of five birth control pills a day. A baby's endocrine system just can't cope with that kind of massive assault, so some damage is inevitable. At the extreme, the damage can be fatal.
Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products.
Recent research on rats shows testicular atrophy, infertility and uterus hypertrophy (enlargement). This helps explain the infertility epidemic and the sudden growth in fertility clinics. But alas, by the time a soy-damaged infant has grown to adulthood and wants to marry, it's too late to get fixed by a fertility clinic.
This is not the 1st time I hear about the feminizing effect of soy. I have a guy friend who is a firm believer of this theory and absolutely refuses to drink soy bean milk - he believes it would cause breast development in him! Heh if like that also can, then women no longer need to go for breast augmentations anymore. Just drink soy! After all, I'm sure it's cheaper and perhaps even less risky than going under the knife! And if baby soy formula is equivalent to 5 birth control pills, why bother to spend money on birth-control pills? Just drink soy! The findings seem rather far-fetched to be taken seriously.
Estimated phone bill this month: $500 - thanks to a colleague who's in China called me on my handphone to discuss some work matters that I don't consider to be extremely urgent. Well, at least not enough to warrant a SGD$500 phone bill! The thing is I didn't know that the overseas call rate from China to a Singapore handphone would be so horrendous until a friend told me that it might be like about $6 per minute or thereabout. SGD$6 NOT RMB$6!!!!!!! When I told 3 friends that the phone conversation lasted an hour or so, they stared at me in horror and the 1st thing each of them said was, "It's going to cost you A LOT! A LOT". I have been in a fould mood since.
I really upset because the caller himself is a PRC national and should know better than to call me. Even though it was not over something frivilous, neither was it over something of utmost importance. I feel so tempted to make him pay for the calls. If he had been an awful colleague, I would most definitely make him pay. But because he's usually nice and helpful, I'm slightly hesistant though I'm really upset. Argh! I could have paid for tickets to and from Hong Kong with the $500!!!!! *Wail*
I cut my hair and rebonded it too :) It's not the 1st time I've rebonded my hair. But I feel that I look strange. I dunno... will get my friend's opinion if I meet him tomorrow...
Sigh! Went back to the office just a few hours after I reached home. Actually I'm supposed to be still on leave!
Then 1 of the clerks screamed at me for a few minutes before I politely and calmly told her that I'm not in charge of that particular area of work. What's the world coming to?! I felt tempted to add that even if I was indeed the one in charge, I'm not her subordinate and she definitely has no right to scream at me. But I didn't. My friend told me he would have given them a piece of his mind if they called him when he was on leave, let alone being screamed at for nothing. I told him I might do that when provoked to the extreme. Guess my threshold hasn't been crossed yet though I was quite irritated and grouchy...
Just came back from Hong Kong. It was a great trip. What I enjoyed most was the shopping. I can't believe it myself... Those who know me will know that I don't particularly like shopping. Unlike some friends I know who can shop from morning till night (really!), I only shop when I need a specific item and if I can't find what I want at the end of 30 minutes, I'll call it a day. But Hong Kong turned me into a shopaholic! From Tsim Sha Tsui to Causeway Bay to Granville Road, my friend and I went crazy! Bags, shoes, clothes, accessories... Heh I went to Hong Kong with a 6kg luggage and returned with a luggage weighing 15kg :P
The only thing that spoilt the trip was the office clerk calling me when she knew full well that I was on leave. She didn't call just once but twice! And it's not even over something urgent. Basically it works like this for the office administrators: When some clients make their lives miserable, they will feel better only when they make other people miserable too. Aaaarrrgggghhhhh!!! I'm on leave for goodness sake! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!
