Alone...

Because I've procrastinated getting my friend his Christmas present, I had to brave the crowd at Suntec to go to Life Bookshop this afternoon to get him his present.

Crowds make me stressed. I don't like crowded places. The throng of people, the loudness of everyone talking, and the almost-chaotic nature of crowds make me feel trapped and fill me with a sense of dread. I can almost swear that my heart starts beating faster. It's better if there's a friend with me. Perhaps having a friend to talk to takes my mind off the awful crowd a little. Maybe having someone with me makes me feel more secure. I don't know...

But what I know is that Suntec today is VERY crowded. It was at Watson that I got stuck in the awful crowd unable to move forward. I could only stand there with the rest of the crowd waiting for those in front to move, feeling miserable and alone and wishing that there's someone with me. Then I saw my friend Tracy. She was with her boyfriend. I was pleased to see them even though I was feeling extremely stressed (not distressed yet).

Strangely they thought I was with my special someone. In fact they looked at me in disbelief when I told them there's no special someone. It took quite a few minutes to convince them that I was alone but they didn't seem at all convinced by my declaration that there's no boyfriend in my life... Hmm I wonder what rumours they have been hearing... But that conversation made me feel so alone when I bade them goodbye and had to walk through the crowd by myself, wishing there's someone with me... I really felt so very alone.

The sadness lingered on even after I managed to escape unscathed from the crowd. I suddenly thought of Mr. Stevens from The Remains of the Day when he had to go back to Darlington Hall alone at the end of the story. All alone... It all seems so sad...